So anyways, most of these kids are reasonably well socialized by the time they're the age of four, using one mechanism or another. They learn how to regulate their aggression and they learn how to engage in fictional play structures with other kids. They learn how to cooperate and compete. And the advantage to having a well socialized disagreeable person is that they really don't let much get in their way. So if you can get. A kid who's disagreeable, socialized, that person can be quite quite the creature, you know, because they're very they're very forward moving in their nature and very difficult to stop. But if you don't get them successfully domesticated, tamed, roughly speaking, by the time they're four, their peers reject them. And that's a big problem because your job as a parent is to make your child socially desirable by the age of four. Like you've got to you want to burn that into your brain because people don't know that that's your job. And here's here's why you think it's it's easy if you think about it carefully. So you imagine you've got a you've got a three-year-old child. So sort of halfway through that initial period of socialization and you take that child out in public. OK, what do you want for the child? Who cares about you? What do you want from the child for the child? You want the child to be able to interact with other children and adults. So that the children are welcoming and smile and want to play with him or her. And so the adults are happy to see the child and treat him or her properly. And if your child's a horrible little monster because you're afraid of disciplining them or you don't know how to do that properly, then what they're going to do is they're going to experience nothing but rejection from other children and false smiles from other parents and adults. And that's so then you're throwing the child out there into a world where every single face that they see is either hostile or lying. And that's not something that's going to be particularly conducive to the mental health or the well-being of your child. If your child can learn a couple simple rules of behavior, like don't interrupt adults when they're talking too much and pay attention and try not to hit the other kids over the head with the truck any more than is absolutely necessary, then and you know, and share and play properly. Then when they meet other kids, the kids are going to try out a few little play routines on them, and that's going to go well. And then they're going to go off and socialize each other for the rest of their lives. Because that's what happens, is that from four years old onwards, the primary socialization with children takes place among other children. And so if the kids don't get in on that early, they don't move into that developmental spiral upwards and they're left behind. And you can imagine how terrible that is, because a four-year-old will not play with another four-year-old who's two. But a five-year-old certainly will not play with a five-year-old who's two, right? Because the gap is just starting to get unbelievably large. And so the kids start out behind, and then the peers leave them behind, and then those kids are alienated and outside the peer group for the rest of their life. Those are the ones that grow up to be long-term antisocial. Right? They're already aggressive. It doesn't dip down. Now, what happens to normal boys, roughly speaking? Imagine the aggressive two-year-old types, they get socialized, so their level of aggression goes down, and then they hit puberty and testosterone kicks in and bang! Levels of aggression go back up. And so that's why males are criminals between the ages roughly of 16 and about 25. So, and it matches the creativity curve, by the way, it's so cool. If you look at the spike of creativity among men, 16 to 25, and it starts to go down, criminality matches that absolutely perfectly. So that's quite cool. So, and part of, so the testosterone levels raise the average level of aggression among men. It's more dominance than aggression, actually, and testosterone is by no means all bad. And then it starts to decrease at about age 25 or 26, which is usually when men stop staying up late at night, stop drinking as much, develop a full time career and take on the burdens and responsibilities and opportunities that are associated with a long term partner and family and so.

总之，大多数孩子在四岁左右时，通过某种机制，已经能够合理地进行社交。他们学会如何控制自己的攻击性，并学会如何与其他孩子进行虚构的游戏结构。 他们学会如何合作与竞争。而拥有一个社交能力良好但性格不讨好的人的好处是，他们真的不会让太多事情阻碍他们。所以，如果你能让一个性格不讨好的孩子学会社交，这个人可以成为一个非常特别的存在，因为他们的本性非常积极进取，很难被阻止。 但如果你没有在他们四岁左右时成功「驯化」他们，他们的同龄人会排斥他们。这是一个大问题，因为作为父母，你的任务是在孩子四岁时让他们在社交上受欢迎。你必须把这一点铭记在心，因为很多人并不知道这是你的责任。 为什么这么说呢？仔细想想，这其实并不难理解。想象你有一个三岁的孩子，正处于社交化的初期阶段，你带这个孩子出门。你希望这个孩子怎么样？你不在乎自己，但你希望这个孩子怎么样？你希望这个孩子能够与其他孩子和成年人互动，这样其他孩子会欢迎他、微笑并愿意和他一起玩，成年人也会高兴见到这个孩子并善待他。 如果你的孩子因为你害怕管教或不知道如何正确管教而变成一个可怕的小怪物，那么他们只会经历其他孩子的排斥和其他家长及成年人的虚假微笑。这样，你就把孩子推向了一个他们所见的每一张脸要么充满敌意、要么虚伪的世界。这对孩子的心理健康或幸福感是非常不利的。 如果你的孩子能学会一些简单的行为规则，比如不要过多打断成年人说话、注意听讲、尽量不要用玩具卡车打其他孩子的头（除非绝对必要），并且学会分享和正确玩耍，那么当他们遇到其他孩子时，其他孩子会尝试与他们进行一些小游戏，这些互动会很顺利。 然后，他们会继续互相社交，这将持续一生。因为从四岁开始，孩子的主要社交对象就是其他孩子。如果孩子没有及早融入这种社交，他们就无法进入这种向上的发展螺旋，最终会被抛在后面。你可以想象这有多糟糕，因为一个四岁的孩子不会和一个社交能力只有两岁水平的四岁孩子玩，而一个五岁的孩子更不会和一个社交能力只有两岁水平的五岁孩子玩，对吧？ 因为这种差距会变得越来越大。所以，这些孩子一开始就落后，然后同龄人会把他们抛在后面，这些孩子会变得孤立，并在余生中处于同龄群体之外。这些人长大后会成为长期反社会的人。他们本来就有攻击性，这种攻击性不会减少。 那么，正常的男孩会发生什么呢？想象那些两岁时有攻击性的孩子，他们经过社交化后，攻击性水平会下降，然后他们进入青春期，睪丸激素开始起作用，砰！攻击性水平又会上升。这就是为什么男性在16岁到25岁之间容易犯罪。 顺便说一句，这与创造力曲线非常吻合，这很有趣。如果你观察男性的创造力高峰，通常是在16岁到25岁之间，然后开始下降，而犯罪率与此完全吻合。 这真的很有意思。睪丸激素水平提高了男性的平均攻击性水平，实际上这更像是支配性而非攻击性，而且睪丸激素并非完全有害。然后，大约在25岁或26岁时，睪丸激素水平开始下降，这通常是男性开始不再熬夜、减少饮酒、发展全职职业并承担长期伴侣和家庭带来的责任与机会的时候。