8. 2010 年 – 膳食期望

l 人物 – 当迦勒 3-4 岁时。

l 事件 – 因为迦勒是我们的第一个孩子，有一段时间吃饭时间成为每天的挫败感，消耗了我们所有的精力。迦勒不肯坐下来吃完饭。迦勒不吃他的蔬菜。迦勒不会按照我们的时间表吃饭。到后来，我们有了诺亚，因此迦勒 作为独生子女的生活结束了。我们决定，为了我们的理智，迦勒需要接受正确饮食的训练。我们的期望如下： 迦勒在有限的时间内进食，比如每餐最多 45 分钟。迦勒需要吃蛋白质、淀粉和蔬菜。饭后，他可以吃甜点，但要吃完所有东西。数量成为一个棘手的话题，因为雪莉总是想给他更多，所以有时迦勒无法完成，我主张给他少一点，让迦勒主动要求更多。迦勒必须吃摆在他面前的东西，我们不会为了他做特别的饭菜。没有屏幕，没有玩具，他不能跑来跑去，他需要坐下来吃完饭。基于此，我们开始训练他。请注意，这种类型的培训因孩子而异。对于迦勒来说，这可能需要 20 次反复进行。诺亚可能进行了 10 次就够了。弥迦可能进行了 35 次。每个孩子的问题都会有所不同。迦勒 的问题是吃蔬菜。诺亚的问题是时间，诺亚吃饭需要很长时间。此外，如果您决定训练您的孩子，请注意，纪律处分过程可能需要长达 1 至 2 小时。工作日的早餐可能不是一个适合训练纪律的好时间。如果你太累了，或者已经感到沮丧或生气，最好跳过这次战斗。利用尽可能多的自然后果，然后使用消极的、非物理的或积极的后果。使用负面的身体后果作为最后的手段。我记得我不得不对迦勒的饮食产生负面的身体后果大概 3 次。每个处理至少需要 1 小时。我让迦勒吃他的西兰花，迦勒说不。我会把他的甜品拿走，但他仍然需要吃他的西兰花。迦勒很不高兴，他不得不坐在椅子上，直到吃完西兰花。他不吃西兰花。我在车库里给他 3 分钟的暂停。请注意，暂停对诺亚非常有效，几次暂停后，诺亚会吃掉他的蔬菜，我不必再多说了。对于迦勒来说，暂停是完全无效的。我让迦勒吃他的蔬菜，他说不，尖叫着不。我警告他，如果他不服从，我就要打他。迦勒不听话，所以我把他带到车库里打了他屁股。这时他正在哭泣。我把他带回餐桌上，我告诉他，他需要吃西兰花。他开始慢慢地吃东西，甚至没有吃完一个西兰花，然后他就停止吃东西了。我让他吃完他的西兰花，他说不。我告诉他，我会再打他屁股。他回来了，他吃他的西兰花，我可以看出他的意志已经崩溃了。还剩下 2 个西兰花。我告诉他再吃一个，然后我为他吃掉了最后一个西兰花。这种严格的纪律方式是会发生的，但通常不会太频繁。其中一些激烈的处理很可能会导向所有领域的整体服从。对诺亚来说，他的问题是时间，他吃得慢。这很棘手，因为据我所知，诺亚并不是直截了当的，故意慢下来，或者故意慢下来。因此，我们根本没有使用任何负面的物理后果。我们将带走甜点，为期一周，我们可以说，如果他在 45 分钟内完成，他会得到额外的糖果。他吃得慢也可能让他失去电视。诺亚变得更好了。最终，我们能够在30分钟内让所有孩子都能正确进餐，并达到我们可以在用餐时间进行文明对话的程度，并且不会在每顿饭后感到沮丧。

8.    2010 – Meal expectations

a.    Who – when Caleb was 3-4 years old.

b.    What – Since Caleb was our first child, there was a period of time in which meal time became a daily frustration that sucked up all of our energy. Caleb wouldn’t sit and finish his meal. Caleb wouldn’t eat his vegetables. Caleb wouldn’t eat according to our schedules. At that point, we had Noah, therefore Caleb’s life as a single child was over. We decided that for all of our sanity, Caleb needs to be trained to eat properly. Our expectations are as follows: Caleb has limited time to eat, say 45 minutes max per meal. Caleb needs to eat protein, starch, and vegetables. After his meal, he can have dessert, only if he finishes eating everything. Quantity became a tricky subject since Shirley always wanted to give him more, so sometimes Caleb won’t be able to finish, and I advocated giving him less and letting Caleb ask for more. Caleb has to eat what is put in front of him, we will not make anything special for him. While eating, there are no screens, no toys, he cannot run around, he needs to sit and finish his meal. Based on this, we started training him. Note that this type of training varies from child to child. For Caleb, it probably took 20 iterations. Noah probably took 10 iterations. Micah probably took 35 iterations. Each child’s issue will be different. Caleb’s issue is eating vegetables. Noah’s issue is time, Noah just takes a long time to eat. Also, if you decide to train your child, note that the discipline process may take up to 1 to 2 hours. Breakfast on a weekday is probably not a good idea to pick for training and disciplining. If you are too tired, or already frustrated or angry, best to skip the fight. Leverage as many natural consequences as possible, then use negative non-physical, or positive consequences. Use negative physical consequence as a last resort. I recall having to use negative physical consequences regarding eating for Caleb probably 3 times. Each of those sessions took at least 1 hour each. I ask Caleb to eat his broccoli, Caleb says no. I will take his desert away, but he still needs to eat his broccoli. Caleb is unhappy, he has to stay in his chair until he eats broccoli. He does not eat broccoli. I give him timeout in the garage for 3 minutes. Just a note, timeout was very effective for Noah, after a few timeouts, Noah would eat his vegetables and I don’t have to go further. For Caleb, timeouts are completely ineffective. I ask Caleb to eat his vegetables, he says no, screaming no. I warn him that if he does not obey, I am going to spank him. Caleb does not obey, so I take him into the garage and spank him. He is crying at this point. I bring him back to the table, I tell him to eat his broccoli. He starts eating, slowly, not even finishing one broccoli, then he stops eating. I asked him to finish his broccoli, he says no. I tell him that I am going to spank him again. He comes back, he is eating his broccoli, I can tell that his will is broken. There are 2 more broccolis left. I tell him to eat one more and I eat the final broccoli for him. These more intense level of discipline happens but usually not too often. A few of these intense sessions most likely will result in overall obedience in all areas. For Noah, his issue was time, he was slow in eating. This was tricky because Noah was not outright, deliberately being slow, or willfully slow as far as I can tell. Therefore, we did not use any negative physical consequence at all. We will take away desert, for one week, we may say that if he finishes within 45 minutes, he gets extra candy. His slowness in eating may also cost him TV. Noah got better. Eventually, we are able to get all kids to eat properly, within 30 minutes, and get to a point where we can have civil conversations during meal time and not feel frustrated after every meal.