2024年6月12日——迦勒承担自然后果
● 人物：迦勒·王（Caleb Wang），16岁。
● 事件：迦勒让我去一个密室逃脱店接他，他和朋友在那里玩。这是暑假期间的一个星期三。我们约好了下午4点见面。我特意告诉他，今天、就今天，我的时间安排非常紧张。弥迦（Micah）5点在Mountainview有棒球训练，同时还有一个重要的棒球季后赛家长会。而且那也是我第一次开车送弥迦去Mountainview的训练地点。因此，我尽可能清楚地告诉迦勒，我不能迟到。他问我是否能有一个宽限期，我说当然可以，但最晚不能超过4点05分。他同意了。
开车到密室逃脱店需要20多分钟，我在快4点的时候到了。我发短信告诉迦勒4点出来。没有回应。我用iPhone的“查找”功能反复呼叫了他。没有回应。我从“查找”里能看到他就在那里。不过，很可能他因为玩密室逃脱而把手机收起来了。我很确定他是安全的。
4点07分，我发短信告诉他，我会等到4点10分，然后就必须离开。他需要自己打Uber回家。4点10分，我离开了。我又开了20多分钟车回家，确保弥迦准备好了，然后送他去棒球训练。
在开车回家的路上，我非常生气，因为我觉得迦勒浪费了我的时间。在经过祈祷、深呼吸、把事情想通、释放了愤怒和沮丧之后，我决定不情绪化地反应，不立刻主动找他谈这件事，而是让他为自己的行为承担金钱上的后果。
在安顿好弥迦参加训练后，我发短信告诉迦勒，他必须支付Uber的费用（最后Uber是20美元），外加30美元作为对我时间的补偿。
后来得知，迦勒大概在4点20分左右结束了密室逃脱。我们直到晚上7点半我回家后才讨论这件事。吃晚饭时，我们终于有时间谈了。
迦勒说他很抱歉，并问我他怎么做会更好。他告诉我他当时拿不到手机，因为密室逃脱店把他们的手机收走了。我让他回顾一下发生的事情，并问他是否在某个时间点意识到自己无法按时在4点赴约。迦勒说，首先，他们被耽误了5分钟，因为另一组人迟到了。然后，有15分钟的介绍和规则讲解，他没想到会有这个环节。之后才是60分钟的密室逃脱时间。
我告诉他，他可以做得更好的地方是：在那15分钟的介绍环节，在进入密室之前，他就应该意识到自己很可能无法赶上4点的约定。那时他就应该举手，要求拿回手机几分钟，发短信告诉我不用来接他了，然后再自己想办法回家。回家的办法可以是打Uber，或者也许雪莉（Shirley）有空…等等。当然，如果迦勒等到密室逃脱结束后再解决回家的问题，那可能意味着他得等上20分钟，比如等雪莉来接他。
迦勒说他的手机被锁起来拿不到。我告诉他，如果他当时提出要求，坚持一下，我确信工作人员不会反对。
迦勒接着又说，让他额外付30美元非常不公平。我的解释是，这整件事浪费了我大约40分钟的时间，我本可以用这40分钟做别的事。他说，既然宽限期是4点05分，而他在4点20分结束，那只是15分钟，而不是40分钟。因此，除了支付Uber费用外，再加30美元的后果太高了。
又经过几次来回争论后，我告诉迦勒，这是我的最终决定，再讨论下去对双方都没有帮助。他又尝试谈了几次，我没有再接话。我转移了话题，开始问他密室逃脱怎么样，他今天过得如何。他告诉我他有点不高兴，晚饭期间不想和我说话。我说好吧。那天晚上晚些时候，我们的关系恢复了正常。

28. 6/12/2024 – Caleb rides natural consequence

l Who – Caleb Wang, 16 years old.

l What – Caleb asked me to pick him up from an Escape room that he wants to do with his friends. This was on a Wednesday during his summer break. We picked a time, which was 4:00 PM. I told him that this day, specifically this day, I was on a super tight schedule. Micah had a baseball practice in Mountainview at 5:00 PM, there was also an important baseball post season parenting meeting happening at that time. It was also the first time that I am driving Micah to the Mountainview practice location. Therefore, I told Caleb, as clear as I possibly can be, that I cannot be late. He asked if he can have a grace period, I said of course, but at the latest 4:05 PM. He agreed. It took 20+ minutes to drive to the Escape room, and I got there close to 4:00 PM. I texted Caleb to let him know to come out at 4:00 PM. No response. I iPhone find me ringed him, multiple times. No response. I can see on find my iPhone that he is in the location. However, probably he had to put his phone away for the escape room. I was pretty certain that he was safe. At 4:07, I texted him and told him that I am going to wait until 4:10 PM, then I have to leave. He will need to take an Uber. At 4:10 PM, I left. It takes me another 20+ minutes to drive home, make sure Micah is ready, then take Micah to baseball practice. On the drive home, I was fuming because I felt Caleb had wasted my time. After praying, breathing, and thinking through it, releasing that anger and frustration, I settled on not reacting to this emotionally, not initiating any type of conversation on this right away, but instead giving a monetary consequence of his actions. After settling Micah at his baseball practice, I texted Caleb to tell him that he has to pay for the Uber (the Uber turned out to be $20) plus $30 for my time. It turned out that Caleb finished the escape room at around 4:20 PM. We did not discuss anything until I came home at around 7:30 PM. As we are eating dinner, we finally had time to discuss. Caleb said he was sorry and he asked me what he could have done better. He told me that he had no access to the phone because the escape room took his phone away. I asked him to walk through what happened, and whether at any point, he realized that he won’t make his 4:00 PM commitment. Caleb said that first, they were delayed for 5 minutes, the other group was running late. Then, there were 15 minutes of introduction, rules, that he did not realize was going to happen. Then, there was the 60 minutes time limit for the escape room. I told him that what he could have done better is to realize in that 15 minutes introduction, PRIOR to entering the escape room, that he most likely is not going to make his 4:00 PM commitment. He then should have raised his hand, asked for his iPhone, just for a few minutes, text me to tell me not to pick him up, and then figure out how to get home. How to get home could be, Uber, or perhaps Shirley is available … etc. Of course, if Caleb had waited to sort out how he gets home after the Escape room, it means that he may have to wait for 20 minutes for Shirley to come and pick him up, for example. Caleb said that his phone was locked away and can’t access it. I told him that if he asked, pushed for it, I am sure the staff won’t object. Caleb then proceeded to say that it was extremely unfair to have him pay for an additional $30. My explanation is that this whole situation wasted about 40 minutes of my time that I could have done something else. He said that since the grace period was 4:05 PM, he was done at 4:20 PM, it was only 15 minutes and not 40 minutes. Therefore, the $30 is too high of an additional consequence in addition to paying for the Uber. After a few more bantering back and forth, I told Caleb that it was my final decision and it is not helpful to either party to discuss it any further. He tried to talk about it a few more times and I did not engage him. I changed the subject and started asking him about the Escape room, how his day was. He told me that he was a bit upset and didn’t want to talk to me during dinner. I said ok. Later that evening, we were back to normal relationship.