2024年1月25日——弥迦的遥控车

● 人物：弥迦·王（Micah Wang），10岁

● 事件：弥迦收到的圣诞礼物是一辆遥控车，最高时速可达40英里。他非常兴奋。他在家外面练习如何操控，然后让我带他去公园。弥迦说他想去纪念公园（Memorial Park），我告诉他那个公园人很多、很拥挤，如果我们去霍姆斯特德高中（Homestead high school）会更好。通常，当孩子还小的时候，这种互动不会成为问题。小孩子会觉得爸爸年纪更大、更聪明、知道什么是最好的，所以很容易就听从了。值得表扬的是弥迦，尽管他非常想去纪念公园，他还是顺从了，我们骑自行车去了霍姆斯特德。到了那里，我们到了第一个区域，弥迦告诉我他还是想去纪念公园。我问他霍姆斯特德这里有什么不好，弥迦然后告诉我，他想要一个有地形起伏的地方，这样他就可以让车跳跃和表演特技。弥迦一直问我能不能去纪念公园。那时天快黑了，我有点恼火，因为他一直问，所以我告诉弥迦不要再问了，否则我们就直接回家，根本不能玩遥控车了。值得称赞的是弥迦，尽管他很沮丧，但他没有再要求去纪念公园。然后，我们骑车四处看了看，我发现了一个空旷的区域，空间很大，有人行道和减速带。这时弥迦似乎有点生气和沮丧，但他还是拿出遥控车开始玩了起来。他玩得很开心。最后，他说他觉得纪念公园可能还是会更好，但他感谢我带他出来。

第二天，我反思这件事时，意识到是时候该更把弥迦当作一个青少年来对待，并调整我的管教方式了。我应该意识到，弥迦对他的遥控车计划思考的时间比我长。他脑子里清楚自己想做什么。他可能知道他想尝试的确切区域/空间和地形类型。我不确定他是否考虑了人群拥挤的问题，但由于我不知道他想去公园的哪个具体区域，我们无法判断那里是否会太拥挤。关键是弥迦有一个计划，并且他想执行那个计划。作为更小的孩子，这种复杂的思考和执行计划的欲望是不会出现的。因此，由于父母知道得最多，我们会为我们认为对孩子最好的事情做决定。我当时就处于那种模式。

在这种情况下，没有对错。我本该意识到他有一个计划，并且他很坚持那个计划，这真的不是一个顺不顺服的问题，或者不一定要是。我本应顺着他，带他去纪念公园。当然，我们不会在拥挤的区域玩遥控车（不能让时速30英里的遥控车撞到人）。有可能我们大老远骑到纪念公园（它比霍姆斯特德远），但他的计划因为太拥挤而失败了。那也没关系，那是自然后果的一部分。我本应让弥迦去探索那个选项，一路引导他，即使他失败了，我也不会对他说“我早就告诉过你了”。

24. 1/25/2024 – Micah RC Car

l Who – Micah Wang, 10 years old

l What – For Christmas present, Micah got a RC car that can go up to 40 miles per hour. He was really excited. He played with it outside of our house to learn how to control it, then he asked me to take him to a park. Micah said that he wanted to go to Memorial Park, I told him that the park is crowded, lots of people, and it will be better if we go to Homestead high school. Normally, when kids were younger, this interaction would not be an issue. There is a sense, when kids were younger, that Dad is much older, wiser, knows what is best, so it will be easy to just go along with it. Credit to Micah, even though he really wanted to go to Memorial Park, he obeyed and we went to Homestead on our bikes. Once we got there, we went to the first area, Micah told me that he wanted to go to Memorial Park instead. I asked him what is wrong with the space in Homestead, Micah then told me he wants a place where there is terrain so he can perform jumps and tricks. Micah kept asking me to see if we can go to Memorial Park. At that point, it was going to get dark soon, I got a little frustrated because he kept asking, so I told Micah to stop asking otherwise we will just go home and no RC car at all. Credit to Micah, even though he was frustrated, he no longer asked to go to Memorial Park. Then, we biked around and I saw an area that was empty, lots of space, with sidewalks and car bumps. Micah seems a bit grumpy and frustrated at this point, but he took out his RC car and started playing around with it. He had lots of fun. At the end, he said that he thinks Memorial Park will still be better but he thanked me for taking him. Next day, as I was reflecting, I realized that it is time for me to treat Micah more like a teenager and adjust my parenting style. I should have realized that Micah had been thinking about his RC car for a while now, more than I have. He had in his mind what he wanted to do. He probably knew the exact area / space, the type of terrain that he wanted to try. I am not sure if he thought about the crowd the people, but since I don’t know which area in the Park he wants to try, we can’t tell whether it was going to be too crowded. The point is that Micah had a plan and he wanted to execute on that plan. As a younger child, this type of sophisticated thinking, desire to execute on a plan, does not occur. Therefore, since parents know best, we make what we think are the best decisions for our children. I was in that mode. In this situation, there is no right or wrong.  What I should have done, realizing that he has a plan, he is pretty set on that plan, and it is really not an obedience issue, or it does not have to be. I should have gone along, took him to Memorial Park. Now, of course, we would not play the RC car in a crowded area (can’t hit anyone with a RC car going 30 miles an hour). It is possible that we bike all the way to Memorial Park (it was further away than Homestead), and his plan’s fail because it was too crowded. That’s ok, that is part of natural consequences. I should have let Micah explore that option, guide him along the way, and even if he fails, I will not tell him that I told you so.