13. 12/2024 – 弥迦 屏幕时间免疫训练

l 人物 – 弥迦，11 岁

l 事件 – 现在弥迦年纪稍大一些了，我们希望确保他能自己管理iPad和屏幕时间的使用。这非常重要，因为我们知道当他进入高中时，他将需要一部智能手机，而我们希望确保他已经训练有素，能够正确使用它。弥迦从三、四岁开始就已经有屏幕时间了，并且他理解什么是上瘾，因为我们之前已经讨论过这个问题。弥迦也明白我们正在训练他是为了帮助他。这不是为了惩罚他或对他刻薄。此外，他曾经在未经许可的情况下深夜使用iPad，并对我们撒谎关于他的使用情况，这让我们不得不处理。因此，弥迦理解自己在这方面的堕落和罪性。这个训练过程大约从八个月前开始。首先，我们让他拥有所有设备（笔记本电脑、iPad等）的密码和访问权限。我们告诉他，他只能在获得许可的情况下使用，目前的限制是每周两小时，仅限周末。我们还设定了期望，即家庭中的任何人，包括他的兄弟们，都可以检查他的使用情况并监控他。大约两个月后，弥迦被发现使用屏幕时间超过了两小时。我们决定禁止他使用任何设备一个月。弥迦对此非常不开心，他在房间里花了几个小时才接受这个后果。根据我们的经验，一个月是一个合适的时间，因为大约一个月后，弥迦不再提到屏幕，不再询问何时可以使用，也不再抱怨，这意味着他已经克服了上瘾的戒断症状。之后，我们让他重新使用设备。不幸的是，在一个月内，他再次被发现使用屏幕时间超过了两小时。这次，我们决定禁止他使用任何设备一个月。此外，之后他不再拥有任何设备的密码或访问权限。每次他都需要请别人为他解锁设备。这对弥迦来说非常难以接受，因为这意味着每次他想和朋友聊天、查看或发送消息时，都需要获得特别许可。此外，每次他想在iPad上阅读书籍时，也需要有人为他解锁iPad。但一个令他兴奋的原因是，当他在iPad上阅读时，他有可能会玩iPad游戏。我们特别讨论了这一点，弥迦承诺他不会违反这种信任。到目前为止，根据我们对iPad历史记录的检查，他表现良好。另一个方面是，当我们为他解锁设备以使用屏幕时间时，我们希望他自己注意时间并在时间结束时停止。这被证明是具有挑战性的，因为弥迦会试图玩弄时间。例如，弥迦通常会将他的屏幕时间分成不同的时段。例如，他可能会玩iPad游戏一小时。然后，他会在电脑上玩Minecraft「我的世界」另一小时。他试图玩弄时间，说一些话，比如，哦，我在等待Minecraft「我的世界」服务器连接，花了一分钟，所以我多了一分钟。或者，我不得不去洗手间大便，所以我多了五分钟的游戏时间，因为我在洗手间时没有使用屏幕。这变得非常令人沮丧，难以跟踪确切的时间，当然通过这种方法，弥迦能够额外获得五分钟，甚至可能是十五分钟的屏幕时间。最后，我受够了，我知道我们处于一个无法取胜的局面。如果我们必须逐分钟争论什么算作屏幕时间，我与他的关系将会破产。我告诉弥迦，不能再这样了，当他开始计时时，无论中间发生了什么，他在30分钟或一小时后就结束了，无论他在跟踪什么。有一段时间，他表现得很好。我会在他自己计时时秘密计时。如果相差几分钟，我会放过。然而，在2024年11月的某个时候，我秘密计时，他超时了15分钟。我去和他谈话，要求他停止游戏，并试图向他解释他超时了15分钟。弥迦没有道歉或承认他超时了，而是辩称有三分钟不算，因为这个原因，然后他的兄弟们打扰了他，所以另外五分钟也不算……等等。我告诉弥迦，他将被无限期禁止使用所有设备。我不知道什么时候会恢复他的访问权限。我们还拿走了他所有的毛绒玩具作为额外的惩罚。弥迦至少花了两天时间才接受这一点。在接下来的两周里，弥迦不断回来问我什么时候可以恢复他的访问权限。无限期这个概念真的让他感到困扰。他说这可能需要很长时间，但他只想知道什么时候。我告诉他，他问得越多，我就会让无限期变得更长。我们再次讨论了上瘾的问题。我向他解释说，上瘾者会经历戒断。弥迦问，我们怎么知道一个人不再上瘾了。我告诉他，当一个人不再总是要求毒品，不再想着吸毒时，那就是不再上瘾的迹象。我们还讨论了排毒的意义。基本上，弥迦目前正在经历屏幕排毒。虽然弥迦经常抱怨在这个排毒期间他有多无聊，但我们注意到他的生活中发生了一些惊人的变化。首先，他开始考虑即将到来的棒球赛季。他要求我给他安排投球课程。接下来，他说他想早点睡觉，他开始这样做了。他还开始摄取更多的蛋白质，尤其是在早餐时。这一切都是他自己做的。他要么自己煮鸡蛋，要么请我们为他煮。这是为了让他真正专注于为棒球长高。弥迦还自己决定，他将从iPad上阅读漫画书中排毒一周，以便他可以专注于学习SSAT（中学入学考试），这是他必须参加的考试，以进入一所基督教私立学校。果然，他确实排毒并花了一周时间更多地学习SSAT。我们仍然处于无限期禁止期间。在某个时候，我会将屏幕时间还给他。很可能，这个过程仍然需要更多的反反复复，我们将尽可能多地进行重复，直到他能够正确地自我调节他的屏幕摄入量。

13.   12/2024 – Micah screen time inoculation training

a.    Who – Micah Wang, 11 years old

b.    What – Now that Micah is a bit older, we want to make sure he can manage his usage of iPad, screen time on his own. This is really important since we know that he will need a smart phone when he gets to high school, and we want to make sure he is trained to use it properly. Micah already has had screen time since he was 3-4 years old, and he understands what addiction is since we have talked about it before. Micah also understands that we are training him to help him. This is not to punish him, to be mean to him. In addition, he has already gone through using the ipad, late at night, without permission, and then lying to us about his usage, which we had to address. So Micah understands his own depravity and sinful nature in this area. This training process started about 8 months ago. First, we let him have password, passcode access to all the devices (laptop, iPad … etc). We tell him that he can only use it under permission, and the current limit is 2 hours a week, only on the weekend. We also set the expectations that anyone in the family, including his brothers, can check up on his usage and monitor him. About 2 months into this, Micah was caught using screens beyond his 2 hours. We decided that he will be locked out of all of his devices for 1 month. Micah was extremely unhappy about this and it took him several hours in his room to get over this consequence. 1 month is a good period based on our experience since after about a month, Micah does not mention screens, asking when, moaning about it, this mean he is over his withdrawal symptom from his addiction. After this, we let him back into his devices. Unfortunately, within 1 month, he was caught again using screens beyond his 2 hours. This time, we decided that he will be locked out of all of his devices for 1 month. In addition, after that, he no longer has any access to passcodes, passwords to any of his devices. He will need to ask someone else to unlock device for him, every single time. This was really difficult to Micah to take in since it means that anytime he wants to talk to his friends, check a chat, send a chat, he will need specific permission. Also, every time he wants to read a book on iPad, he also needs someone to unlock the iPad for him. One thing that was encouraging was that when he reads on iPad, it is possible for him to play iPad games. We specifically talked about this and Micah promised that he will not violate that trust. So far, he has been good about that based on our checking of iPad history. Another aspect of this is when we unlock a device for him to use screen time, we want him to track his own time and stop when the time is up. This has proving to be challenging because Micah would try to game the clock. For example, Micah usually breaks up his screen time into different sessions per weekend. For example, he may play an iPad game for 1 hour. Then, he will play Minecraft on the computer for another hour. He tried gaming the clock by saying things like, oh, I was waiting for the Minecraft server to be connected, it took 1 minute to do so I get an extra minute. Or, I had to use the restroom to go poop so I get an extra 5 minutes of playing time since I didn’t use the screen while I was in the restroom. It became quite frustrating and difficult to track exact timing and of course through this method Micah was able to get extra 5, perhaps 15 minutes of screen time. Finally, enough is enough, I know that we are in a no-win situation. If we have to argue what counts as screen time minute by minute, my relationship will go bankrupt with him. I told Micah no more, when he starts the timer, it does not matter what happens in between, he is done after 30 minutes, or hour, whatever tracking he is doing. For a while, he was doing well. I would secretly time him while he times himself. If it is within a few minutes, I would let it go. However, sometime in Nov 2024, I was secretly timing him, and he was over by 15 minutes. I went to talk to him, ask him to stop playing, and try to explain to him that he went over by 15 minutes. Instead of saying he was sorry, admitting that he went over, Micah proceeded to argue that 3 minutes didn’t count because of this, and then his brothers were interrupting him so another 5 minutes didn’t count … etc. I proceeded to tell Micah that he had an indefinite ban all of his devices. I don’t know when I will grant his access back. We also took away all of his stuffed animals as additional consequence. This took Micah at least two days to get over. In the next two weeks, Micah kept coming back to me asking when he can get his access back. The idea of indefinite really got to him. He says it can be a long time but he just wants to know when. I told him that the more he asks me, the longer I will make it indefinite. We again discussed addiction. I explained to him addicts go through withdrawal. Micah asked, how do we know if someone is no longer addicted. I told him that when a person stop asking for drugs all the time, not thinking about doing drugs, that is a sign towards not getting addicted. We also went through the meaning of the detox. That basically, Micah is going through a screen detox at the moment. Although Micah often complains how bored he is during this detox period, we noticed quite a few amazing changes in his life. First, he started to think about his up and coming baseball season. He asked me to get him pitching lessons. Next, he said that he wanted to sleep a lot earlier, which he started doing. He also started eating way more protein in general, especially during breakfast. This is all on his own. He will either make his owns boiled eggs or asked us to make it for him. This is so that he can really focus on growing taller for Baseball. Micah also decided, on his own, that he would detox from reading comic books on the iPad for one week so that he can focus on studying the SSAT, which was a test that he had to take to get in a Christian private school. Sure enough, he did detox and spent more time studying the SSAT for one week. We are still in the indefinite ban period. At some point, I will give screen time back to him. Most likely, this process will still take more iterations, and we will take as many iterations as possible until he can properly self-regulate his screen intake.